I recently asked some friends if they would be willing to write stories about their family members. They all said, “No.” (And gave me their various reasons why.) Of course, I asked the question with the expectation being that they share those stories with others.

And that expectation, folks, is the real reason they all said, “No.”

You see, writing is an activity that burdens the writer with the desire to be good or entertaining or touching or profound (insert whatever desire here). Writing is also an activity that burdens the writer with ideas of sharing the writing.

Writers often view writing as a performative act. But it doesn’t have to be. The writer chooses whether to publish the writing or not. A writer of a diary might keep said diary under lock and key. The writer of a journal might only jot down various ideas and words or sketches that have meaning only to him.

People write for many reasons.  Just as people read for many reasons.

But here’s the thing—just like doing research, you’ll probably find that if you don’t write down your family stories, you will eventually forget them. You might not forget everything, but some of the extra details that make the story pop will fade. So please, if you have a family story you want to preserve, write it down. Write it down with no expectations. And if you have to have an expectation, let it be this—I promise to write it down, even if I keep it under lock and key.

That way your nosy snoopy family members can find it later.

Just kidding. Sometimes having the expectation of privacy is the only expectation that will motivate people to write. It’s a totally different mindset for someone when they write in secret vs. for the public. And by writing it you can preserve the story.

If you consistently write down the stories of your family, maybe one day in the future (near or far) you will want to share them with others.

And if you still don’t want to share, guess what?

Life will be fine either way.

Plus you’ll have a catalog of family stories in your treasure chest.